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Life Is Short . Live it well

Monday, December 24, 2012


how I feel >>>
Pain of  someone one with Fibromyalgia is more than you will ever  know..we have pain in the fact of some people doubt us....
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look into our hearts and our eyes
 life .....
              I love you ,I do but I can't put my heart out their anymore . I have pick up the pieces you left of my heart about a year ago..I have a weight in my heart for the you.. I used to need and yearn for.but I don't want to become the you. that you gave to us...I want to become the me! that they need.. and for this my good bye is meant from my heart. not that I don't love you..it is just time for me to love me..

Saturday, December 1, 2012


 This is something that I have to live with, day in and day out!


       I am myself suffering from fibromyalgia and have been for years and I am young , 34 they say you are only as old as you feel then i am older than dirt. I have the aches and pains of someone three times my age.that may have been in a auto roll over accident because that is the best description that  I can give on my pain level right now ..and for most ofmy life now in  mathematical terms I'm thinking like 90 percent of the time... 

  My story, It was about 10 years ago when I started to have my back pain the Dr. told me that it was normal for people my age to be experiencing some pain I tried to tell her that I thought it was more than just normal everyday pain. But she went and listen to me she said that she's seen many patients and that she was pretty sure it was normal back pain. As the years went on the pain started getting more severe. 

 Here is a list of some but not all of the Symptoms of someone suffering from fibromyalgia.

 

 ~~Our life, our pain, our journey, living with fibromyalgia. I have gathered a list of symptoms of fibromyalgia off of the Internet and I'm going to describe which symptoms bothered me. 

 

 1) Severe fatigue ----- Now when it comes to my Chronic fatigue it don't really matter how much i sleep can get I am always sleepy during the day my Dr has put me on PROVIGIL 200 MG now this i take in the morning and it helps keep me awake until about 2 in the afternoon..i have learned to take naps.

 2) Poor sleep ----- now i get it a lot of people have poor sleep,but i wake up every 1hr1/2 every night.and i  have a very hard time getting  to sleep  and i am sure its stresses the body when it can not rest.

 3)  Stiffness ---- now having this hurts real bad at first mine started in the mornings then slowly it became when ever i would sit on a hard surface not i can not sit or lay on a hard surface ..i will get stiff i have to lay with myself bent at the joints because if i do not i get really stiff..and getting so stiff to the point you need help getting out of bad or even off of the floor. 

4)  Poor memory ----- i am only 33 but i tell ya my memory is going away. i can't rememberr much of anything  get so forgetful..

 5)   Headaches ---- i have the worst headaches sometimes they get so bad sometimes my bones in either side of my neck hurts to,sometimes i get headaches that start in my arm ,i know how weird this must sound but it is true my left starts in the middle of my triceps  in the tender point. i just get them so bad all do is  cry. 

 6) Restless legs ---- now i don't know if what i feel is restless leg but they hurt alot and i will have to move them,,or they get real achy.

 7)  Irritable bowel  --- now this i have really bad i have it with chronic constipation and i mean chronic. i have to take med's in order for me to go i always have to help my bowels along..or i don't go.

 8) Overactive bladder ---- now this i do have .up all hours going bathroom...even sometimes not always making it to the potty.

 9)  Depression --- yes i have depression i have for some time now i have alot to be upset about if i am willing to take the time to let it get to me..but then it always finds away if it really wants to and nothing can stop it .that's why i never understood why people say "you need to see someone" i think to myself..why it can't help...never has and then this depression that i have been having lately has been different.its kinda like smoking creeper weed  ...now no i don't smoke pot but yes along time ago in my early 20's i did a time or two but this depression like i was saying i have been experiencing as of late seems to creep up on me...when i don't expect it.and then my husband say's why are you depressed .i say I DON'T KNOW. but then i get the look! like he don't believe me.

 10)  Low back pain  --- now this is my middle name and it hurts like hell .say i go into the store to go shopping .i will have to stop and take brakes and when i get to my car and sit then the mean old fibro bear roars it ugly head..not only until i haven't moved  for a while will it calm back down.but i also have pain all way down my spine and down my left leg.i also lean to the left.

 11) numbness and tingling--- Numbness and tingling is one of the worst things that I have gone on to me right now I cannot go even an hour without having some type of pain and numbness and tingling getting pretty severe I have to sit there and hit my arms on a hard surface just to get the it to stop.  I cannot raise my arms above my shoulders because when I do that singling begins its almost as if your hands are falling asleep.  This time I can't grasp anything.  I get it by trying to write a letter.  Sometimes I can't even hold a cup.  One way of describing it is like the blood pressure cup.

 12) Painful periods----Now this is something that I don't have to go through any more.  About two years ago.  I had to have a hysterectomy.  I had very painful periods.  It was painful and I had sex.  Sometimes I have phantom pain well at least phantom periods.  I will have cramps as if having a period.

 13) muscle spasms---- sometimes in the middle of the night I will wake due to severe cramps and my legs, I also have muscle spasms in my back mostly due to tight muscles I think

 14) jaw pain----the only jaw pain that I really experience is a popping in my joints

 15) excessive tenderness----now this is something that I have . If you were to scratch my arm I would still feel the sensation of your fingers even after you'd stop touching me. To talk to my legs in a soft manner. feels more aggressive like you're touching a harder in which you really are, like you are touching a bruise.

 16) Sensitivity to bright lights--- I do have sensitivity to light. If I'm outside I will have to squint my eyes.

 17)Sensitivity to loud noise----mostly the only time I really had much sensitivity to loud noise is if I have a migraine.

 18) Sensitivity to perfumes----sensitivity to perfumes some oders and or smells

 19) Sensitivity to weather changes----weather change well let's see dry skin so I iche a lot of the time

  20) Excessive anxiety---and I have no idea why this phenomenon happens because all the way up to about three years ago I had stressed yes but it never had anxiety let alone excessive anxiety. When this anxiety/panic attacks first started for me. I did not know what was going on. I actually thought might have been going crazy. I was having scary thoughts. I was starting to be paranoid. It got to the point that I threw away all sharp knives not once but twice. My husband probably thought I was nuts. Finally I went to the Dr. and they explain me that I have excessive anxiety  disorder and. panic attacks. I know for certain that if I wasn't put on paxil. That I would probably be a institutionalized right now.

  21) poor balance---here and they're I sometimes find myself a little tipsy. As if it had one too many beers. Problem is I don't drink.

  22) Exercise intolerance---now I know what you are gonna say. If you are so much pain and you need to exercise. Yeah that's easier said than done the more I exercise the more I hurt. Something as little as stretching will give me the worst headache EVER! And I will be down with a headache for weeks.

  23) Inability to regulate body temperature---now I thought that I had this because I had a hysterectomy. But more and more people are explaining to me that it has a lot to do with fibromyalgia I cannot handle the overheated it's either I am too hot or too cold there's no happy medium with me what least not with my body.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

so it hasn't taking me a long time to realize that this isn't getting read by anyone but that's OK it's for me to get things off my cheat.anyways i have been stressing out lately my sister is staying here but, man my house seems to get dirty so fast grrr.... man do i wish i could get a better house...the habitat want to build me a house on my land but I'm not sure that would be a good idea because.i have a ant problem real bad the have all but reining the trees so i think they would eat the wood away plus the mice here are bad to I'm in the city but lined up with  a corn field,i don't know...but any way another thing that has been on my mind is that when i was young two of my children were adopted out i know whee they live and thanks to facebook  one of them try's to get a hold of me but m not sure i can talk to him...bc of him only being still in his teens.i just cant wait until the dayu i see them.i feel bad though because there dad has passed away.they wil never get to meet him . he and i wasnt talking but 3 weeks before he passed away he called me. got my number off of facebook. he wanted to ask if i have i had see or heard from the boys i knew of them on facebook but i never talked to them   but i could tell them that i knew that they were fine and that they lived close to me. the next thing i know i'm getting a phone call telling me joe has passed away....life is so short.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

  • well i went to a church today to get clothes for my sisters kids today they moved in with me.courts placed them here.its hard with all of us but we will manage i guess. god never gives me more than i can handle. well that's what i keep. telling myself.my sister Jeannie is the one who i can tell my important thins to. i was just married. well in August. and i love it i  have been living with my now husband for 3 years.  before getting married. but i love it my hubby and i almost never fight. it is nice to feel loved and cared for. well last night we watched don't be afraid of the dark. it was alright  .scared  the kids.. but they liked it.well  I'm gonna get off here for now .spend time with family...later...tater

Friday, January 6, 2012

wakeupwithme: But i want to love him.

wakeupwithme: But i want to love him.: *i never knew what the term schizophrenia. meant . mental illness yes but never did i think it meant that my life was going to be a prison ....

wakeupwithme: But i want to love him.

wakeupwithme: But i want to love him.: *i never knew what the term schizophrenia. meant . mental illness yes but never did i think it meant that my life was going to be a prison ....
hellooo...my peeps
so just wondering how many of you have kids that have been adopted  ?

But i want to love him.

*i never knew what the term schizophrenia. meant . mental illness yes but never did i think it meant that my life was going to be a prison . I mean you never really think that your going to be in prison if you behave. and. follow the laws.but i was wrong but the prison was in my own heart and in my home.i was in love and so was he . and he was sick with and illness and i didn't think that we shouldn't give love a try simply because he was sick.i mean what kind of woman would i be. i am far from perfect. so mine and his hearts grew fonder of each other  but little did i know is that while we were falling in love he was begin to question me... 
         So have you ever been so in love.I  mean so deep that your every breath  of their being is inhaled into you.well that is the kind of love that i had for him.he wasn't from around here i could tell from one glance of him.he was waring cowboy boots and baggy jeans .he had tucked into his back pocket a wife beater .and  a cap on.." country" i though from one look at him...yum. i thought to myself.but i didn't know how right i was when i yelled hey crazy white  boy,, from across the street he looked across the at me with a shit eating grin.. from his gesture i should have known better but my mind and my heart weren't working together that day.